I was eating my Sunday lunch in the living room when I heard the news about Gary Speed. I was awestruck, it was a complete shock to me, as it was for many others. The ignorant, or misinformed, think suicide is selfish. They wonder how a person could take such an easy way out and leave their family to deal with the aftermath, so they don’t have to. Well I’m really hoping that those who have read my blog up to now, no longer fall into either the ignorant or misinformed categories.
The brain, and the mind is very complex and nobody understands it. The story of my father is great proof to that. Nowhere is the butterfly effect more apt than in a description of the brain. One misplaced word in a text, one car journey, one lost love, these can all effect the brain in a way that can lead to irreversible damage. My blogs have proven that aswell I think.
In the movies, there is often a joke, where a person is so confused, his head explodes. In a slightly less dramatic or visible way, this is the point where the brain has decided suicide is the only plausible option left. Controversial as the subject is, this is why Euthanasia in cases of terminal illness has always had my full support and I will publicly admit my vow to myself for the first time.
If I was to become terminally ill, I would end my life myself before putting my loved ones through the pain of seeing me suffer. I want my family and friends to celebrate my life, not mourn the loss of it. That will be very difficult for them to do if they have seen my pain and suffering in those final days, weeks or months. I would never ask for someone else to help, I’d make sure, if I could, that I’d do it before I became too weak to do so.
And that is the precise line of thought that a severely depressed mind takes. At least that’s the closest analogy I can make. You’d end a dogs life to stop it from suffering, so why can’t humans have the same dignity? After all, we’re animals too, aren’t we?
In my previous blogs, I’ve detailed the major events that led my mind to think along the suicidal lines. It is very rare that the general public will get such an insight into the inner workings of someone who has suffered from a sometimes crippling depression. In a high number of cases, it will take a persons suicide for people to even realise there is something wrong in the first place. Nowhere was this more evident than the death of Gary Speed less than a week ago though.
Now, if you thought those six paragraphs were controversial, wait until you read this one.
This blog post, which actually started out as the next chapter of my life story is dedicated to all of those people who have suffered major depression to such a point, that the only way out was through ending their own life. Terry Newton, Gary Speed, Vincent Van Gogh , Cleopatra and even the younger sister of one of my best friends while I was growing up and many, many more.
Yes, the families of suicide victims are also victims, I don’t think anybody has ever, or will ever deny that. But what people fail to comprehend, is the level of pain and suffering a human must go through to get to the point of ending his or her life.
I plead, no I beg you, to please remember this, if someone you love ever ends their life. Don’t ever think about how their act has affected you, realise that they’re suffering has ended. Then celebrate their life. Never mourn the death of a life, always celebrate that that life existed.
Those are my thoughts anyway, but I’m a minutes applause kind of person, rather than a minutes silence. By raising awareness, I’m hoping that people will have found help before they get anywhere near the final stage and although this is technically a two fingered salute to the beige brigade (which is no bad thing in my eyes), I very much hope it will save a life in the future.
Remember, the support is there for you, so please, please seek the help before you ever reach the final stage of depression.
My State Of Mind 